So, What’s it Like to Date a Self-Starter? 💘

Take my relationship with my boyfriend, Ben. We’ve been dating for six years (!) this year, so he’s witnessed me as both a full-time employee and a freelance journalist. We’re both ambitious people, but we go about our careers differently.

Though he may never understand why I’m so excited to put more work on my plate, he champions my hustle. He was so supportive when I wanted to leave my last full-time job to become my own boss. He challenges me to find new ways to be efficient in running my business, but will launch into a mid-day dance party if I’m feeling stressed. He encourages me to occasionally close my laptop and live, something that I’m admittedly not good at doing on my own. (For any Schitt’s Creek fans out there, he’s basically the Patrick to my David.)

If you’ve been reading Office Hours for a while, you know that I don’t use this precious space in your inbox to talk about my personal life. But, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I thought it would be fun to interview Ben about what it’s really like to date a self-starter. Whether this gives you a good mid-week laugh or a new perspective, I hope you enjoy the conversation below. (Don’t worry, it’ll be back to business as usual next week!)

For those who don’t know us as a couple, how would you describe our relationship?

Ben: We’re best friends and we’re very close. We like to do practically everything together. Like, if I go to the beach and you’re still at our apartment working, I’ll usually FaceTime you just to say hi. We’re always singing, joking around, and having a good time!

We’ve been dating for six years, so you’ve been there throughout my entire self-starting journey. How has our relationship changed since I went freelance?

Ben: You’ve had a lot of freelance projects for most of the time I’ve known you, so it hasn’t changed. But, seeing you hustle is inspiring. When I was in my second semester at business school, I remember thinking to myself, “I have so much time on my hands.” Then I realized that you do all of this work and have all of these side projects. Honestly, that did inspire me to try other things. It took some time to build them up but by my second year [at business school], it was all cylinders on. I don’t think I would’ve done that had I not seen you become a freelancer and have all these hustles. That was a rare thing at grad school!

We currently work right next to each other in our dining room. Has working from home changed your idea of what I do?

Ben: I didn’t realize how much you work, which is a good thing. You work a lot, you’re successful, and you like what you do. But, I don’t think you relax enough. You are the workaholic of this relationship.

Speaking of that, you are very good at making me close my computer and live life.

Ben: I like doing things with you! There are also times when you work through the day and don’t take any breaks to go out and get some sunlight. That’s important, so I make sure we go outside. We’ll go get some ice cream or walk to our favorite bluff. It’s harder to do that during the workweek, but you’re always down to do things on the weekend.

What’s your favorite thing about dating a self-starter? Least favorite?

Ben: It’s given you flexibility and freedom, which was great when we were doing long-distance and lots of traveling. That said, we talk a lot about how you can be more efficient with your time. You are a very busy freelancer, but there are times when you’re feeling burnt out or spending a lot of time on one project, which I know has been frustrating for you.

So, the million-dollar question: What’s it like dating a self-starter?

Ben: It depends on the boss, to be honest. There are some people who work 20 hours per week and are fine with that. That’s great, but that’s not you. You’ve always been ambitious — even before you went freelance. It’s one of the things I love most about you. Also, it’s interesting because you are your own boss, but you still have a schedule, and deadlines, and clients to report to.

What advice would you have for anyone who is dating a self-starter?

Ben: Be patient. I know you love your work and I want to support you and your career. We’re a team. So, when you’re working, I need to find things to do when I’m done for the day. We’re not going to be watching TV together all the time — and that’s okay.

Hustlers of the Week:

Jocelyn and Alaina Drew

Congratulations on Bijou! What inspired you to launch your own candle brand?
Thank you! We started Bijou back in 2017 after realizing we were both luxury candle “hoarders.’’ We were obsessed with having our space smell like our favorite scents, but we loathed lighting them because they were pricey. We thought there had to be a way to make luxury level candles at a more accessible price — and that’s exactly what we did!

Having a co-founder is one thing, but having a co-founder who is also your spouse can be tricky! What advice do you have for someone who wants to launch a business with their significant other?

We are so lucky that we are the type of couple that likes to create together. When we first got together we were in different fields (Alaina was in home design and Jocelyn was a hair and makeup artist), but we were constantly collaborating with each other on our respective jobs. It was more natural for us to work together than for us not to.

We make it work by constantly communicating and creating lots of structure. We’re not the types to operate in a way that doesn’t work for both of us. As Bijou has grown, we have spent a lot of time ironing out our roles and figuring out the best use of our individual and collaborative time together.

What is your favorite part about being your own boss? Least favorite?

Being your own boss is a blessing and a curse. Of course it gives you more freedom and you spend your time working on your passion, but we find that we can be the toughest bosses we’ve ever had. We are incredibly driven and that can make it hard to have boundaries with [ourselves]. It hasn’t always been smooth sailing and we’ve found ourselves working from dusk until dawn, working in bed, working on the weekends, etc. This can absolutely lead to burn out and we have set up really specific boundaries for ourselves. We have strict work hours, and we turn our work email off on the weekends, for example.

The absolute best thing about being your own boss and running your own business is how good it feels when your customers love what you put out and get your vision! We have to remind ourselves to stop and appreciate how far we’ve come and what we’ve accomplished from time to time.

What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned since becoming your own boss?

Running a business is all about how you respond to things when they don’t go to plan. Running a business when everything works out how you want it [to] is one thing, but it rarely ever goes that way. Be prepared to troubleshoot constantly.

Give Alaina and Jocelyn some love by following Bijou on Instagram, subscribing to their new podcast, and buying some candles.

(Psst…like what you see? You can subscribe to “Office Hours with Kelsey Mulvey” here.)